Paternally Confused
An interesting constant in my life is always the notion of almost belonging but not quite belonging as well as everyone else. I wrote about how I’m involved with lots of different communities in my CODES supplemental essay, but I didn’t touch on how I’ve never felt a full sense of belonging in almost any of them. It’d be remarkably easy to write about being the only Black boy in my grade up until 8th grade, or how my family and I were and still are one of the only black families in a heavily white suburban neighborhood; although I’d rather explain how I don’t feel a sense of belonging within my own family at times.
The Australian side of my family is very close to each other as they are all still down-under and see each other frequently; unfortunately, my family and I are almost 9,000 miles away in Kansas City, Missouri so we rarely see them. Before 2019, the last time we were there was when I was 4 years old in 2008. We try talking to them as much as possible using facetime and skype, but it’s never the same as being there with them. As you can see from the photo, my father, sister, and I are the only black people in the family, so we don’t exactly fit in at times. It becomes difficult because we are so different as a family. It starts to feel like we’re alienated in a way because they all have inside jokes and things that they all understand that we don’t because we’re from a different country and have lived very different lives.
Things are even more difficult with my father’s family, funnily enough. I can’t remember ever actually met someone from my dad’s side that I’m related to by blood. I met my Paternal Grandfather when I was around 2 years old, but obviously I was too young to remember the moment. My dad’s side has been a source of confusion for me my entire life, because I’ve never had any connection with them. The only family from his side we talk to are step-brothers, my step-grandma Eula and the rest of their families. Recently we’ve been looking more into our family history and my father has come into contact with some relatives from his side that are around the Kansas City area that we never knew about. It’ll be interesting to start meeting them and hopefully getting close to them.
Another area of my life where I’ve never felt a true sense of belonging was just my childhood in general. Looking back at how I grew up, the main things I think about are the neighborhood we used to live in, the sports I played, and how my experiences were at school. All of those experiences reflect the same issue of being incredibly isolated no matter what I did to fit in. I was almost always the only black boy on any of my sports teams, my family and I were one of the few black families in our neighborhood, and isolation at school came the easiest. As a result, I spent the majority of my time with my parents and my sister and we got very close as a family. Having such a minimal sense of belonging in so many environments can be very negative, but it cultivated such a powerful feeling of belonging in my family which helped me develop well throughout childhood. I started becoming someone who wasn’t very reliant on others, and I’ve gotten to the point of just needing my family instead of others’ acceptance. The bond that my father, mother, sister, and I have created is truly unbreakable and they’ve taught me so much over my 18 years of life. They all helped me navigate feeling so different everywhere I found myself. They also taught me about how I could better advocate for myself in order to make the most out of any situation.
One person I’d say I’ve learned the most from is my father, as he was a hugely important piece of my development as a man as well as in terms of being an athlete. He helped me focus so much of my energy and ideas into a direct flow of determination, persistence, and confidence that has created so much success for me socially, academically, and athletically.
My father crafted me into a person that didn’t let a lack of fitting in affect them; instead, I advocate for increased diversity within my environments. I prioritized diversity in my college search and accepted nothing less than what I wanted and what I knew would be best for me. It’s taken work to develop, but it’s the most useful tool I’ll ever have.
Revised Conclusion
In short, the one location that has shaped me the most is more of a figurative place instead of a tangible one. This ‘place’ is with my family. Since family is and has been such an important part of my entire life, it’s the one place I could pinpoint where I’ve been affected the most. Each of these photos, while seeming rather unimportant, have a lot of meaning to me. The majority of them are important moments in my life that’s shaped me into who I am; whereas others are simply examples of many moments that wrote my life story. From great experiences with my father, to my first exposure to soccer, to meeting my whole family as a new person than the one they remembered, all the way to graduation, these photos all show how much my family has affected me just with their presence.