There are many things that change you or define you as a person. Some people believe it’s the way they talk or their personality, in reality you are defined by how you were raised and by who was or is in your life. Sometimes being defined by who you look up to and what changed you is something no one can take from you. Change shows what you’ve gone through and how you grew from it. At least that’s how I like to think of it. Why? Because only I know how far I’ve come and what it took for me to get to where I am today. Only I went through certain experiences and no one else would be able to relate to them in the same way. Even though I’ve gone through so much, I use what I’ve gone through to help me grow as a person or some may even say I use my experiences as motivation.
( Edwards Heart Hospital, Naperville, IL Nov. 29 2019)
You might be asking yourself, “who’s in the picture?” or “ why is there an exact date and place as the caption?” In this picture, is my best friend before his life and mine changed. The gentleman in this picture is my uncle Rev. Manuel Gerardo Gomez, my mom’s little cousin (but more like a little brother). He went into the hospital on Thanksgiving Day that year. Considering he lived almost 2 hours away from my house and that he was a very busy priest, he always spent Thanksgiving with my family. So, when the time got around to where he was already 2 hours late, my mom and I assumed his mass ran long until we saw a post on facebook. Now my uncle was never one to post his personal life on facebook, but for this certain event he did. Instead of spending Thanksgiving with us, my uncle spent it in the hospital alone. Where does November 29th 2019 fit into this story? It was the day after he went into the hospital for what we thought was only back pain. He had been experiencing pain for months, but we assumed it was due to his weight. That day almost 3 years ago was when he went in for his biopsy and what we hoped for a discovery to stop his back pain came back as something 100x worse. The photo was the last photo my mom took of him when we all thought he was a healthy, 35 year old, but it was also the day where I told myself “everything is going to be okay”, “he’s going to live to meet your kids, “he’s not going anywhere” , but I have never been more wrong in my life. It’s where I learned not to get my hopes up anymore. It’s where I began to overthink and doubt the power of God. `
Fast forward a month and four days, I had to say goodbye to my best friend and one of my biggest supporters. My uncle was diagnosed with stage four testicular cancer on Monday December 2nd, which just so happened to be his 36th birthday. The doctors explained to my uncle, mom, and I what their plan was for tackling this diagnosis. Although my uncle hated that word “diagnosis” since the results of the biopsy were recieved on his birthday he called it “ a gift from God in ugly-wrapping.” My uncle agreed to do chemotherapy. His first round started that day and continued during the week. Come Friday December 6th he was supposed to go home with my family. We had everything planned out: where he was going to stay, what bathroom was his, we called around to have a specific bed ready for him. Everything was falling in line until it wasn’t. My uncle’s condition worsened, he was given a very high tank of oxygen with a dosage that high it would suffocate a healthy person. He was connected to many more machines and just wasn’t getting any better. My mom, my uncle, and his doctors did what’s called a living will when he first entered the hospital.A living will is a written statement detailing a person’s desire for medical treatment for when the patient is no longer able to express informed consent. In my uncle’s living will he stated that he wanted to be buried back in his hometown, Suchil, Durango, Mexico and he only wanted to be intubated for two weeks. Well the day came around where he had to be intubated and just as quick as that came, so did the two week mark. The doctors officially declared him brain dead and my mom made the decision to disconnect him. December 26th, 2019 at 3:45 pm my Uncle left to dance in the sky. The date shown under the picture was by far one of the hardest in my life. It was the day I said goodbye to one of the most important men in my life. I realized that day how many people loved and looked up to my uncle. Not only was he an amazing example for my sister and I, but also for the 3,000 people who were in attendance.
Beautiful background right? Looks almost unreal? Let me introduce you to my favorite place on earth, The Grand Canyon. For those who haven’t gone, the Grand Canyon is located in Arizona and is the product of tectonic uplift. Fun fact: the Grand Canyon is the largest canyon in the United States. The picture above is of the second time I visited the Grand Canyon. Although I’ve been twice to the Grand Canyon this trip impacted me the most. I’ve come to the realization that life is really short and tomorrow is never promised. Since the day my uncle passed, death kept hitting my family. We are firm believers that “death comes in sets of threes” and unfortunately that became true for my life. Nothing in life is promised except death. That is the hardest lesson to process, but it’s the truth. One thing I learned through trying to accept that lesson is that grief never goes away. Time is supposed to heal all, but it doesn’t. This trip happened two years after my uncle Manny passed away and it was the one of the first times my mom and I felt happy since losing so much family in the span of two years, but more specifically my uncle. We not only felt joy, but we felt his presence. As if he was telling us he’s okay and he’ll always be with us.It’s always the most peaceful places that allow you to reflect on life.
Omaha, Nebraska the most lonely and boring state I’ve been too. But we not only made the trip because my step dad works in Nebraska, but because the image above shows one of the places my uncle visited before he died. This bridge allows you to step one foot in Nebraska and one in Iowa. My Uncle Manny loved to travel and my ultimate goal in life is to travel to every place he traveled too. Not only was this a beautiful experience to go and just walk the bridge with my sisters, but because of what my mom and I noticed. If you look closely at the picture and look at the clouds, and the formation they made. It looks just like the shape of an angel and just like the grinch in Dr. Suess “ How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, that day my heart grew 3x the size. To me, it’s a sign he was there and telling me how happy he was for me to go to one of his favorite places. That day was very emotional after seeing the clouds, it honestly felt unreal. I felt a wave of peace. Seeing the clouds formed like that made me realize we are only given one life and we must enjoy it to the fullest. Whether it be traveling or making new memories and letting ourselves open new chapters in our life.
Bid Day Best Day!!! After losing my uncle, all I strive for is making him proud and keeping my promise to him that I’ll take care of my mom and grandparents for him. My last two years of highschool I made it my goal to be the best student I could for him and get into my dream college and go away to begin to form my life. And that’s exactly what I did. I like to believe I made him proud graduating with a pretty good GPA and getting into SIUE. He left home at 14 to begin his process to becoming a priest and so he always used to tell me to go far from home and look back only when I have too. That’s exactly what I did; I made the decision to be 4 ½ hours from home. And it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I felt a sense of peace that I never felt before and I think it’s the most beautiful thing ever. In the beginning I mentioned Bid day best day, this is the day where you find out what sorority you join (basically finding out your second home). Besides coming to SIUE and making friends I know will last me a lifetime within the first few weeks, I also made an amazing decision in going through recruitment and finding a group of girls who are now my sisters. I’m happy to say I am a proud sister of Alpha Xi Delta. Joining AXID and SIUE is only the beginning of this new chapter in my life that I like to call “my turn”. It’s my turn to do what’s best for me and what will benefit me in the future. Here’s to new beginnings and new memories!!
Losing my best friend, grieving his death, traveling to places he went, him showing his presence and opening a new chapter in my life. All what makes me, me! The good, the bad and everything in between is what shaped me to the young lady I am today. I like to believe that God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. Maybe everything happened so fast and all at once, but I never let it get to my head. In fact, I did the opposite: I used it as motivation and a reason to be the best I can be. All which I love to call beautiful chaos.