God Give me a Sign

Since I could remember, I’ve always been taught about the word of God and the significance of his power. Through prayer, fasting, and receiving the holy spirit the power he provides can be used for my own benefit to overcome hardships and addictions that have been weighing on me for years. My first time walking into an actual church, my mom was taking me to a daycare they had in the lower vicinity of the building. I’m unsure of the age I was at the time, but taking a reasonable guess I was approximately three or four. As we were walking down a peculiar hallway, we could see scriptures, paintings of Jesus, and stories from the Bible. This was my first experience of seeing what the Holy Bible describes as Jesus l. As we got to the end of the hallway, we were introduced to the director of the program, the first thing she expressed to me after she asked my name, was how I would learn all about God and how he loves me. From that day until I was about five, my classmates and I would get lectured about stories of Jesus’ formidable well-doings and supernatural healings he would execute among the people.

Growing up in an environment where sex, drugs, and violence are popularized can take a toll on one’s mental health. Where I lived for many years, there weren’t positive outlets for young kids and teens to hang out during the day. Of course, we had parks. They were intended to be recreational but turned out to be environmentally dangerous due to various gang disputes and aggravated disagreements. One positive outlet everyone appeared to morally respect was the church. It was somewhere you didn’t have to watch your back 24/7 or carry a firearm. Within the walls of the building, people understood that was sacred grounds because they were taught to respect God for what he has done for us. My mom would drive my brother and I to church every Sunday with the goal of exposing us to a positive role model. My father died before I was born therefore we didn’t have a consistent male role model in our household. She intended us to consciously recognize that we do not have to be a product of our society but something far more extraordinary than what’s expected of someone of our demographic.

This an actual image of my church I pulled from the internet

Sunday after Sunday, the preacher would teach lessons on God’s word from the bible and how to prepare for his inevitable return. I never questioned the teaching we were lectured about God because the pastor and teachers programmed the belief in us to believe God’s word is candid and unwavering. Although eventually there was a point where I questioned everything about life, even the gospel lessons I was programmed with since a child. Around my preteen stages, I started to question If God was genuinely real or if he was he a fictitious entity created for people to feel a sense of worth by contributing to a necessary movement to make the world a better place.

How the general set-up would look like at one of these meetings

I had never expressed those thoughts to anyone until a specific day on Wednesdays there was a Christian youth group discussion at the church I attended on the topic of “God’s ability.”This question of God’s existence was weighing on my mind, which encouraged me to participate first in contributing to the discussion. I asked, “how can one being possess such astronomical abilities with no type of repercussions? I felt that it was impossible for a being of that caliber to exist. I continued by expressing that he desires for his so-called children’s whole life to be about praising and worshiping him. From that point in the discussion, the instructor informed us that it is natural for me to question things at the young teenage point of my life. Therefore, he continued to inform us about how a personal relationship with God enhances our belief in him and his word. He suggested that if I ever needed reassurance to pray and fast, resulting in God smothering any doubts I had of his existence.

What one of the paper hand-outs would look like at the preeteen gatherings

After that night at the youth group session, I followed up on the instructor’s suggestions, praying every night for God to give me a sign to reassure me of his existence. One specific night I can remember vividly, I was praying beside my bed, pouring my heart out to God. All of a sudden I can remember a warm sensation coming over me as of someone was holding me and hearing “You are my child.” At that moment I felt like nothing could harm me and all my life worries were gone. Since that night, I never questioned if God or his word was real. Rather how can I contribute to strengthening my community through his word? I may not be on a straight path of righteous Christian living but I feel as though that night improved my personal relationship with God and which can overall strengthen my community through my contributions of knowledge God blesses me with. Therefore spreading his word to as many people as possible I can fulfill my purpose in his kingdom.

This is a representation of my inner peace within God