So far, my first semester at SIUE has been a struggle both mentally and physically. It was very hard for me to go from being able to pass a test without studing at all to studying day and night and not passing at all. At some point I wanted to give up, I felt defeated. I have never struggled to pass a class in my life so to study for hours on end, go to tutoring, and ask for extra help and still fail felt like a losing battle. I had to remind myself why I came to SIUE, I came here to make my fallen angles proud and to break generrational curses.Besides the struggles Ive encountered, I love the college experience. Ive met alot of good people that help me adjust to being away from home. I have also met alot of good hearted peoples in the CODES program. Our class has become more of a family and it is what helped me through the semester. My research team has enourgaged me to keep going and they helped me realized that being here is worth fighting for. I am extremely greatful to be apart of this program and the opprotunites it has given me.
Now that my second semester has come to an end I can honestly say i feel over whelmed. I have gotten better at my study habits and I have made alot of great friends. As always my research team has helped me to much along the way and I dont now what i would do without them. I can definitely say i do have doubts about continuing school. I’ve talked to my chain of command about the possibilities of me going active duty within the next year. I’ve decided that I think that’s something I’m willing to look into but nothing is set in stone. I’ve been promoted 3 times in the year and 1/2 and I’ll be eligible to promote again in august. Before I decide to drop I decided I would change my major because I love school I just don’t like the headache that comes with it. I’m not sure what will come next but I’m truly excited for the journey I’m about to embark on in life. Ive recently tried out new things such as therapy and painting and I love them both. I am also excited to plan my wedding in the years to come since I am newly engaged. I cant wait to see what life has instored after all of the hardships ive experienced this year.
My sophmore year proved to be one of the most difficult times of my life. For the majority of the fall semester I was sick on and off which was odd becuase Ive never been sick so frequently in my life. I faced alot of changes with playing catch up in my classes but overall I percerviered. The mentoring aspect of this year was very different from what I expected. There were many times we had to change the activites we had planeed due to low attendance which was very discouraging but we continued on the best we would and made the most out of our time at the boys and girls club. Overall Sophomore year was a challenging and transformative period marked by several hardships and personal growth. The late class times threw off my eating schedule, making it difficult to maintain a healthy diet. I often found myself skipping meals or grabbing quick, unhealthy options, which took a toll on my energy, focus and mental health. Additionally, mentoring for the first time in a while reignited my fear of failure. The nerves of guiding others and being responsible for their growth weighed heavily on me. I wanted to succeed in this role but was constantly worried about not meeting expectations or letting my mentees down.
Throughout the year, I also faced significant challenges balancing family time and military obligations. These responsibilities required me to be away frequently, which affected my ability to commit fully to my academic schedule. The fear of not being accepted into any classes for the up[coming fall semester due to these time constraints loomed over me. Many professors were hesitant to have me in their classes, worried that my absences would be too disruptive. This uncertainty about my future in the program added stress, making it a year filled with both external pressures and internal struggles. I was able to talk my way into an alternative route but unfornately it will still require me to be absent on occasion.
My junior year of college was a challenging yet transformative time in my life. Balancing the demands of three different jobs with a full course load was already exhausting, but dealing with professors who often spoke to me like a child or made comments that insulted my intelligence made it even harder to stay motivated. Their dismissive attitudes left me questioning my abilities, and there were days when I struggled to find the drive to continue. On top of that, I was constantly thrown off by last-minute issues, whether it was unexpected work shifts or abrupt changes in academic plans. Despite the hardships, this period taught me resilience and adaptability. I learned to advocate for myself, manage my time more effectively, and focus on my long-term goals. Looking back, I am thankful for those experiences because they shaped me into a stronger, more determined individual.
