Is this good enough?

A generational curse is defined as a habit or behavior that has been passed down from one generation to the next. When my uncle was born, my family’s generational curse came into effect. My maternal grandmother was only sixteen when she had my uncle, seventeen when she had my mom, and 18 when she had my aunt. Having so many kids back-to-back prevented my grandmother from going to college. My grandmother never regretted her decision or resented her children; she loved them whole heartedly and did the best she could with the help of my grandfather. Both my mother and my aunt received my grandfather’s last name while my uncle received my grandmother’s maiden name. I’m not sure if it was the last name difference or if he was dropped on his head as a child, but he grew up very angry and always held animosity towards his younger siblings. As time went on, my mother started college and my aunt joined the military while my uncle dropped out of high school and eventually ran away. At this point, my grandparents felt that they did all they could for him so once he left, he never came back. The three siblings stayed in contact and eventually my grandparents did too. Perhaps they felt guilty because they had given up on their only son? Or my grandfather’s guilt ate away at him because he felt like he was looking in a mirror.

father and son

When my grandfather was younger, he was raised by his grandmother since his mother had died when he was very little. My grandfather was also the only boy in the house but, unlike my uncle, he was the youngest and not the oldest. Just like his son, my grandfather got into trouble and would disappear for days at a time and eventually my great-great grandmother sat him down and told him “If you go to jail don’t call this house, if you don’t want to get a job or go to school find somewhere else to live because I raised you better and I refuse to watch you destroy your life.” It was after that conversation that my grandfather began to right his wrongs and he began working, he hasn’t looked back since. Unfortunately, my uncle did not follow suit; instead, he had a son, my cousin, and left him to move to Wisconsin. Growing up without a father and a hard-of-hearing mother is difficult, but my grandparents and my mother and aunt did the best they could to help raise my cousin in hopes that he would not turn out like his father. Once again, what they had hoped for did not go as planned. At the age of 14 he was “allegedly” stealing cars, renting hotels, sneaking out the house and smoking weed just like his father. I say allegedly because I can’t exactly prove he did it, but I can’t prove that he didn’t either. The only evidence we have is what we can see since his mother isn’t always truthful with the rest of the group.

As the oldest grandchild I thought I was setting an example for my younger cousins but instead I’m setting the example for myself. I have learned to forge my own path and I hope that one day my younger cousins will too.  My mom went to college after high school, but she never got to finish because she became pregnant with me and dropped out. I grew up as a golden child. I always had good grades and I was constantly involved in athletics. Growing up I was never allowed outside after dark, and I never understood why until my sophomore year of high school. During my sophomore year of high school my cousin Nunu was shot and killed outside of our aunt’s house on Thanksgiving Day. Up until then I had always thought that he was an angel but looks can be deceiving. He had gotten into some trouble which resulted in his untimely passing. While some people might think that this event was a tragic accident, the reality of it was his father ran the streets when he was younger, and his son ultimately paid for his sins. He was only 20, and he was slowly getting his life together. Since then I’ve tried to make good decisons in hopes that my younger cousins will do the same. Children usually repeat what they see, so I try my best to be a good role model for them and for myself. I dont have siblings so I treat them like my little sisters.

 On my 17th birthday, I realized that not everyone gets to live the life the way they are intended to. Sometimes your genetics can play a part in how your life will turn out, and sometimes it could be based on how you grew up. Neither one of my parents finished college and there is nothing wrong with that. That’s not the path that they were intended to be on. Since my parents had a harder life than me growing up in the worst parts of Chicago, they made sure that I did not share the same fate. After I graduated middle school, I moved in with my grandmother and attended a predominantly white high school. I struggled with the curriculum because it was different from the Chicago public school curriculum.  When I was 17, my parents bought me my first car because I maintained a good GPA and because they did not want me to struggle to buy my own car like they did. During my senior year of high school, I was extremely stressed out because my entire life the only way I’ve seen young black women or men go to college was from an athletic scholarship. My entire family thought I was going to school because of my athletics like my cousin Markeise who went to Yale on a football scholarship. Unfortunately, I was injured my senior year so that idea went down the drain. As an only child I grew up lonely. I never had a sister to do my hair or a brother to walk me to school. Being born into a family as an only child does have its perks; My grandfather always gave me around $200 for christmas each year for as long as I can remember. My dad always bought me what I wanted whenever I asked. Materialistic things could never make up for the fact that at the end of the day it was just me and my parents, but I learned to be okay with that.

I decided not to go to college and join the military instead. Shortly after joining the military, I decided that I really did want to go to college, so I went through the application process again and became the first in my family to go to a public University and not a community college. I also decided that being hundreds of miles away from my family was not something I was prepared for. I did not grow up with the hardships that my parents endured, I can only hope that I continue to make them proud and prove society wrong.