DP#1
I am me because she was her.
The person who has shaped me into who I am and shifted my perspective on things is my mother, Quenesha Catron. The youngest child to Brenda Poppars and the second child to Richard Williams. She has shaped me and molded me to be the best I can ever be with what we have. She didn’t come from the best mental childhood, but she had everything a young girl could have ever dreamed of physically. I am happy God chose her to be my mom, but sometimes I wonder why I was chosen. My mother has everything you can wish for in a mother, she is kind, patient, loving, strong, a great listener, hard-working, trusting, encouraging, and empowering. The list could honestly continue forever. To understand me is to know where and whom I come from, my mom is 99.9% of that. I was her first child, so she loved and cherished me with what she knew how. It wasn’t always perfect, but she did what she could. She made my childhood the best even though hers wasn’t, I will always appreciate her for that.
There were a lot of times when I just wanted to give up on everything and everyone and she showed me that my situation just seemed hard because I was in the middle of the storm. Once I got over it, I will see it much differently on the other side. I always cherish her advice because sometimes things aren’t as hard as they seem.
That time was with school, I dreaded school, you could even say I hated it. My mom saw school as her outlet when she was younger because that’s all she had, that was her escape. I saw school as my prison. One morning I was tired of going to prison and decided I honestly didn’t want to even be on earth. Yes, I wanted to kill myself because of school, not even because of the work but because of the people. My attempt wasn’t as bad or gruesome just very straight to it, but obviously, since I’m typing I made it through (THANK GOD). I always felt watched; always judged. My school was never a place I felt safe or even okay. Not that it was a bad school my perception of school was always terrible due to teachers and mean kids. My teachers were always very assholes to me based on the things I had or even sometimes my intelligence. Me being smart as a black young lady intimidated them and forced them to take their self-hatred out on me. I skipped a grade, read way above my grade level, and was even confident in myself with the things I did. Nobody understood what I was going through, but my mom did. We talked that whole day after my attempt, about her love for school and me. I know I kind of scared her maybe even traumatized her, I deeply apologize to her for that. At the moment, I felt like she was rubbing it in my face that she enjoyed school, and I didn’t. I never fully understood really till after that day. Her love for school was because it kept her from being raped and abused. I never thought of it that way, I always thought she just was scholarly and loved to learn. Due to her circumstances, she wanted to learn to finally be free. Through school, she went so far and excelled. I realized then I needed to push harder because there is always somebody who has it worse than me. From then on, I went to school with a smile on my face accepting that we all may go through something it is how we push through that situation that will matter in the end. I knew my situation wasn’t that bad my point of view of the situation was just shit. I knew I needed to push harder, be stronger, and do everything I could to make the best out of my situation and circumstances. I loved her more for showing me that I was more than that situation and I thank her for never judging me about that situation. Her willpower and strength she instilled in me show me every day that I can be just as strong as her and have all the characteristics she has if I see them within myself and believe they are there.