Buddhism
Tyauna Tomazzoli
Codes
9/16/24
Buddhism.. You have probably heard about it in your class or have heard about it from people around you that practice this. I felt the same way, around 7 years old I began to hear about the word that started with a ‘B’ and I always questioned what it was really about and what it really meant and why people kept mentioning it. I could simply give you the definition of it from what the internet would say, that being ‘ The path to Enlightenment is through the practice and development of morality, meditation and wisdom.’ That’s specifically not why you’re reading this though. You’re reading this because you want to hear my personal experience with this practice and what positions it has put me in through my whole life, so buckle up, it will be an emotional rollercoaster.
This was me and my sister at ages 5 and 10. We are 5 years apart, with me being the youngest, You’re probably wondering why that matters or why it may be relevant. This is the time all my emotions began to flourish, at the time, my biological dad struggled with certain issues, that is not really my place or my comfort to even talk about. My dad’s relatives were buddhist and he was a big pusher of religion, no matter what it was or what you believed in, he believed no matter what you believed in, there was always something bigger and better, hence why that made me a little fearful. Hearing my mom’s side of the family talk about a certain religion then hearing my dad’s, I felt almost something was trying to make me pick. I then began to not worry about it as much because in my mind growing up that was between the adults and the kids had no say,simply because we weren’t mature enough.
Speaking for young minded me, it was a struggle because I felt as if I was dealing with almost an ultimatum every day, in my mind it was either making my mom happy or making my dad happy. Reversing back to the issues my dad struggled with and seeing how he went about certain situations and simply how he handled humanity, there was no doubt in my mind it was my mom’s side every time. My sister knew all about buddhism, simply because my dad got to her first and would make her do study sessions on it, she informed me all about what it was, what the practice was, etc. Hearing this at such a young age, it honestly went in one ear and out the other, it didn’t matter to me, I respectfully just didn’t care, I just wanted to be a kid. Through all the pressure, I then began to notice, what I would hear at home caused me to be very standoffish about other people’s opinions, It didn’t matter to me, I always made it known what they had to say about something that I personally did not want to hear about it, which made me very upset because I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling the feelings I was feeling.
Middle school hit me like a train, I came in trying to be very open-minded because I looked into more of what I personally wanted to believe in and did my own research and practice with what intrigued me more. I became involved in things to take my mind off what I was so in my head about. Religion, religion, religion. I was tired of that word.
I became the person everyone questioned. I was such an influence for the school and became a role model for some people but I was so triggered by little things or by easy disagreements people had when it came to anything I had to say. I knew I wasn’t a bad person. I began speaking to some of the aquanites I had around me and asked them the dreaded question and word I was so sick of hearing. What are your cultural beliefs? Have you heard of the word Buddhism? I began to see their faces and it was almost a ‘why aren’t you on the same religion’ or path I’m on? Kind of look. Was I in the wrong? After the word ‘Buddhism’ it was the same question. “Do you believe in God?” “Do you starve yourself?” “What’s your race?” But there was significance I also noticed, I had questions about what they believed in as well..
I noticed a difference in myself, it didn’t make me feel right, but I did it anyway, I became a follower. Yes, I simply did not know where I was in life, I just gave up and started to follow what everybody else was doing. If you notice in these photos, I have certain crystals on my neck. I had no idea what these were or what they meant, I noticed a pattern in how people treated me though. “ I love your necklaces” or “ I love your new sense in style.” That triggered me in a way because I then noticed people are always going to question you regardless. No matter how you look. What you believe in, how you act. I noticed that is how I was with my dad, I was judging him not only for what he believed but for putting that pressure on me.
I am proud to say it took me a while to figure out where I was going in life, I had so many questions about myself and still do. I am proud to say where I am in life, I am proud to say I am a firm believer in my certain field of religion. I noticed in myself I am always happy to answer any questions about what I believe in and that not only goes for religion, anything in general, morally, investing in myself and educating my own mind was the best decision I could have ever made. I feel I have flourished for finally finding where I reside in life, knowing I still have a long way to go, is nothing but growth to me.
