Part of growing up is reflecting on how your parents raised you and what you would have done differently. Some may resent their parents and their teaching methods, while others look back, wishing that they would have listened. But it’s only after the death of a parent when people start to realize how significant their mom or dad in their lives. This is a theme explored in a piece of literary text known as “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” by Sherman Alexie. Throughout the chapters of this text, the author tries to display the impact that the death of his mother had on his life. Beyond just reflecting on his mother’s teachings, the author also goes on to discuss themes on death and parental influence.
In Chapter 38 of this text, titled “Eulogy”, the author repeated mentions how “My mother was a dictionary” (116). He continues this theme by explaining that his mother was one of the only remaining tribal members who could speak the old language. She would sing the old songs, teach her children a few phrases, and tell stories of the past, but she never taught her kids how to speak the language. When the speaker had to bury his mother, he was not just saying goodbye to a loved one, but also to an entire culture. “She knew words that have been spoken for thousands of years / She knew words that will never be spoken again / I wish I could build tombstones for each of those words” (119). The speaker truly wanted to honor those old memories and traditions. He reflects on how his mother never attempted to teach him the language, but he also starts to realize why this was the case. “She always said to me, ‘English will be your best weapon.’” (120). It is only after his mother’s death that they realize how important that lesson truly was. The author’s understanding of English and its literature is what lead him to use writing as a form of expression. Even after her death, the author’s mother is still teaching him lessons.
Most people see death as an unfortunate ending. Funeral services are seen as events of mourning more often than not. However, the author begins to get a new perspective on life and death while commemorating the memories of his mother. When the speaker is with their cousin, they ask him if he killed the deer that her used in the venison stew. His cousin replies with a simple “Yes”. To which he responds “‘Thank you for hunting.’” (112). These seem like strange questions to ask in a regular context, but with the author being forced to come to terms with death, he begins to ponder if death was really “bad”. Sure, death can bring the loss of significant individuals, but it can also provide food to people or allow for the growth of new plant life. The author now sees death as a stepping off point, instead of an end. Just because his mother has passed on does not mean that the impact that she left in her life is gone as well. It is evident throughout the chapters in this piece of literature that the teachings of the author’s mother are still sticking to him. It’s as though his mother is living on through his own actions.
One of the most difficult challenges parents face when raising children is trying to balance teaching and nurturing. While it usually takes a while for the children to notice how crucial their parent’s teachings were in their lives, the parents’ nurturing is often the most impactful in a child’s life. In Chapters 36 and 37, the author looks back on how his mother’s nurturing was not enough to keep him around. In the chapter titled “Utensil”, the author says “Thank you for your imperfect love. / It almost worked. It mostly worked / Or partly worked. It was almost enough” (114). Even though the author is now grateful for the love that his mother showed him, he knows that it never truly helped him become the man that she wanted him to be. However, he goes on to clarify that this was not his mother’s fault. “Yes, my mother was a better mother / To my sisters and brothers, / But they were better children / Than me, the prodigal who yearned / And spurned and never returned” (115). The author was the kid who just wanted to get away. Not to say that he resented his mother, but he was too young and careless to cherish the love and affection that his mother provided. His siblings chose to stay close, while he chose to leave and live his own life. A choice that he did not yet know that he would go on to regret.
Altogether, death in the family was the one thing that forced the author to reflect on his mother’s life and her influence on him. Not only that, but the author also looks at death in a new way. His mother’s death was not the end of her teaching, it was the beginning of a new chapter in his life that made him finally understand what she was trying to tell him. Now leaving him with one final question to answer: “How will I honor my mother’s life?”.