Ana Lilia Campos-Poncianos
To start off, this essay is dedicated to my mother Ana Lilia Campos-Ponciano. Sin ella, no soy nada. Doy gracias a Dios todos los dias por elegirla para ser mi madre. To know me is to know I love my mother more than life itself. There’s nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for her. Thank you for always being my #1 supporter. You are truly heaven sent. I love you more than words could ever explain. You are the reason I am who I am today. Te quiero para siempre mi reina.
My mother is the strongest and bravest woman I know. During the time, she had made the decision to leave her family and pursue a better life. She made a sacrificed by leaving her family in Mexico to come to the United States. She traveled for a week straight to come to the United States to live the “American dream”. Through the trials and tribulations, she was put through during the journey, she never gave up. Can you imagine traveling for seven days straight day and night? With little help to no help at that. She personally told me her journey and it was very long and lonely. She was around others who wanted the same thing as her. This is a picture of her when she had finally arrived at her destination. As you can see, she was coming off a bus. My mother ended up staying in Chicago up until she got pregnant with my brother Carlos.
The love of a daughter for her mother is one of the most heartfelt bonds. Usually characterized by deep affection, respect, and genuine love. She has given me a set guidance throughout life, and I know she has my back through whatever, whenever. My mother helped influence the type of person I am today. She made me realize that kindness matters in this world. My mother helped me build my strong, independent self-esteem. Without her I am nothing. We’re like Lilo & Stitch. Living with four men made me realize how lucky I am to live with another woman who understands me. I always felt outcasted because I have three brothers, and I never found interest in their conversations. They spent their time doing typical boy things and I spent my time doing typical girl things. That’s how I received my nickname as “niña”.
But there was my mother. She always made sure I was included in some way. Everything they did, they had to include me. Outside of that, my mother always made sure we had a bond. We would go shopping and even play loteria (Mexican bingo). I recently just opened up to her about a lot of things that transpired in my past. She knows pretty much everything about me. I decided to tell her about certain things because I would rather her hear it from me, her daughter, than someone else because parents judge other parents’ parenting. My mother has never been the type to be strict. She always gave me and my siblings our freedom, but with boundaries. I believe that’s why we have a great bond.
During this time of her life, my mother became very sick. She was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. She could hardly walk, speak, or see. I remember coming home from school seeing her peacefully sleeping in her bed. I asked my dad “what’s wrong with mami”. He later explained to me what was wrong with her. I didn’t much understand what was wrong with her up until now. I started to imagine my life without her, and I bawled my eyes out. I cannot imagine living this life without the only person who makes me feel safe. I prayed every day to the Lord himself. I told him I wasn’t his strong warrior; I always need my mother with me. I was only eight. The thought of not having my mother with me every day scared me. She showed me she was just as strong as I can be. She showed me no matter what obstacles this world throws at her; she will fight until she no longer can.
My mother had worked in many different warehouses due to the fact that she kept being laid off because she’s not a U.S. citizen. This is a picture from my 5th grade ceremony. During that time, the warehouse she worked at had recently laid off most of their Hispanic workers. She was one of the four they decided to keep. The elementary school I attended hosted a 5th grade ceremony to celebrate our entrance to middle school. No one was able to attend my ceremony due to their work schedule and my siblings being in school. I didn’t let my mom know until the night before because I knew her circumstances with work and I didn’t want her to lose her job. At first, she was highly upset that I didn’t let her know about the ceremony, but she told me to not worry about it. The next day I got ready and headed to school not expecting my family members to show up for me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about them not being able to attend. I saw how everyone’s mom and dad showed up for them with ballons and gifts. As I scanned the crowd, I saw a familiar face. My mother had just arrived, entering my school with ballons and a gift. I cried as I ran to her. I was geuinely so surprised she made it, but I was even happier she was there to see me move forward to 6th grade! That day made me realize I can always count on her for anything. She’s the only person who shows up for me consistently and I thank her for that. Unfortunately, she did lose her job but that did not matter to her. She said as long as she’s living, I will always have someone supporting me longterm.
The death of my grandmother took a big toll on my mother. I had neve,r in my whole entire 18 years of living, seen her that devastated. I never really had a relationship with my grandmother. I would talk to her here and there when my mom would be on the phone with her but it was really hard to maintain a relationship with her because she didn’t have a phone or social media, and she lived thousands of miles away. Every time I sit back and remember how sad this whole situation was, I cry. As I’m typing this essay right now my eyes are starting to water up. On March 9, 2019, my mother received the call from Mexico that her mother had passed away. My mother was too stunned to speak. She went into her room and closed her door. All me and my brothers could hear was her crying. Her sister, my aunt came to our house later that evening. They were both so devastated and sad. They hugged eachother and said “our mother is gone.” Those words right there broke me. Every time I took a glimpse at them, I immediately started crying. I felt so horrible for the both of them. My poor mother’s heart broke for the very first time.
The last time my mom had spoken to my grandmother, she told my mom when she passes away she does not want her to cry. She wanted my mother to celebrate her instead. She told her to let her rest in peace because she would no longer be in pain anymore. We prayed every night for a week straight. The day of her funeral arrived, unfortunately my mother and aunt were not able to attend in person but their older sister facetimed them through Messenger so they wouldn’t miss it. The connection wasn’t the best and the video call lagged in and out. You could hear my mother and my aunt screaming and yelling asking god why.
Which bring us to the present, my mother’s baby girl is now in college. Majoring in Political Science with a Minor in Pre-Law. After my grandmother’s passing, I asked myself, what do you want to be in the future Zuleyri? I knew for a fact it must be related to my ethnicity and influenced by my mother. I later decided, an Immigration attorney. This one is for you mami. She always told me she wanted to go back to her country and visit her mother one last time before she passed away. It’s a little too late now, but I promise to help her accomplish that. She helped influence my life time career.
Throughout my whole life, my mother showed me compassion and unconditional love. She showed me how to get up everyday and make something out of nothing. She helped me realize not everything will be handed to me. I have to work hard to get what I want. After many lessons she’s taught me, she made sure to influence patience and empathy.