There are ways to soften the blow from negative feedback, such as starting with a positive, but that doesn’t always feel good, especially when you worked so hard and are so proud of your work. One exercise we did for CODES orientation was very helpful: everyone filled out a sheet of paper that had their preferred way of feedback on it. For example, when someone is telling me about something rough happening in their life, usually I tell them how strong they are, or sometimes I may relate to their situation, so I try to resonate with them. However, some people may find this offensive. Everyone had their preferred response style available on this shared online space so we could see how they would benefit from the right kind of feedback.
Oftentimes I am good at giving feedback, but struggle with receiving it. When giving feedback, I begin with what I enjoyed. Instead of saying, “buuuut…” I use suggestions. I don’t tell them what needs to change, I offer my opinion. So, instead of saying, “I enjoyed your introduction, buuuut you need to reinforce your claims in your conclusion.” I would say, “Your introduction really pulls the reader in, I enjoy this. Maybe you could revisit what you said in the introduction back into the conclusion so readers can remember what the takeaways of your paper are.” This way is much more friendly and it seems more suggestive rather than demanding.
I struggle with receiving feedback because I am usually proud of what I create. When someone has revisions, sometimes it is hard for me to change what I really like about my piece. I need to work on taking things less personally and take my heart out of this process.
